It might be easier to tell you that everything changes during the first 6 months of raising a baby, but that would be too broad a statement to encompass the utter bliss and chaos that ensues.
When I tell you I was making a bottle for Zoey 2 days after she was born & just…peed my pants in the middle of the kitchen out of nowhere…I’m not trying to scare you out of childbirth. It’s just literally what happened. I remember pausing, wondering what was going on…and then my fate settling in as relaxed as…well…my bladder, I guess.
As someone who has never had stretch marks, I was surprised to see those new guests make their appearance (and still claiming squatter’s rights 6 months later).
Your boobs are sore, you smell, your clothes do NOT fit, you lose hair, you just don’t feel like you are in your own body and, in a way, you’re not.
I felt like my body belonged to Zoey; it was no longer mine, yet it was my responsibility to upkeep it for her, much like a super adorable landlord/renter scenario.
But when you look back and realize that your body was your child’s main source of nutrition for 9 months, plus however long you breast fed upon their arrival (if you choose that route), I didn’t need my body to be mine. Let’s face it, I had it to myself for the first 29.5 years, and from the 12th-18th year I treated it like straight trash so by the time Zoey arrived, it welcomed the change.
Honestly, this could be specific to me & the anxious person I am. The things I used to worry about included something happening to my family and Starbucks being out of coffee. Today my anxieties, in no particular order, include asking myself
- Is she meeting her milestones?
- Is she getting enough to eat?
- Is she sleeping enough?
- Is she getting sick?
- Is she having fun?
- Do I wash her sleep sacks & sheets enough?
- Has she been in her carseat too long today?
- Is she spending enough time on her tummy?
- Is she getting enough fresh air, but not during air quality warnings?
I could go on but I’m certain the internet has a limit for how many words you can type on a blog post that has 4 readers.
When Zoey was first born, I was absolutely terrified that she would start crying and just…never stop. I got over that just in time to worry that she hadn’t rolled over yet. And by the time I stopped pondering that, it was time to worry about starting solids.
Your anxiety constantly changes, but I’ve been told time and time again, that it makes you a good mom because like…you care and stuff.
Gregg and I have been so blessed to have the same community that began this journey with us still around 6 months later.
I’ve heard of individuals losing friends once they have kids and honestly, I can see why/how. When all your energy is going into making sure this small human is fed, burped, changed, getting enough sleep, etc (see above change), it’s easy for your missed text messages to go from 0 to 6 (or in my case, 189 to 204).
Responding to messages and answering phone calls becomes infinitely more difficult during those first few weeks, as for many days I felt like I had to choose between answering a message, feeding my child or showering (‘m going to tell you right now…the child always won).
In our case, though, our community grew.
We made friends through Mommy & Me, daycare, connected with those that had already been through the newborn stage that we could go to for advice, despite never really connecting in the past.
And our home community changed.
My best friends adapted from going out to dinner or for drinks to going for walks, or working from Starbucks after I dropped Zoey off at school just so we could spend time together and catch up.
I will never not be grateful for the community that was here before Zoey, before Raya, that is still here today, and the newcomers that fit perfectly as additions to this new chapter in our lives.
“Instead of “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority”.
I did that with working out. And for me, I had no issue with it. My priorities before Zoey were to work, go to the gym, go home, work, go to the gym, go home. And on the weekends? Go to the gym, go to Target, go home, repeat.
Now that Zoey is in daycare and goes to bed at 7, I get roughly two hours in the evening during the week where I get to connect with her and play and experience life through her eyes. So no, the gym isn’t a priority. And I’m sure if it was, I could make time. But I’d much rather hold on to my calories to ensure my milk supply stays up, and go for walks with my daughter as a way to get in movement, rather than going to the gym & having her at the childcare center there.
That’s it I guess with priorities….maybe I need more hobbies….
This was a change I did everything I could to prepare for. I cannot tell you how many times I told Gregg “having a baby is really hard on a marriage Gregg, we need to be ready” and it…was hard in the general sense of bringing a child into the world…but I feel like our marriage and relationship thrived.
To figure out this beautiful chaotic puzzle together, where each of us was on a level playing field, having never been through something like this, and getting to put the pieces of the puzzle together how we best felt they would fit to mold this precious little child – I couldn’t tell you anything better.
Having to tell Gregg he was no longer going to be a dad when we got the official diagnosis for Raya is something I think about almost every day to this moment. Getting to watch him with Zoey and see their bond both causes heartache for the bond he & Raya will never have, and joy for getting to mother the baby who gets to grow up with the greatest dad.
I love the way Zoey lights up the moment she sees or hears him, the way he plays with her, and the way we got to spend more time together in the 4 weeks after her birth than we had in years.
So yes, a baby can challenge your marriage, but my oh my do I get to parent with the best there is.
The easiest children to parent are hypothetical ones.
I recall seeing children screaming in Target and thinking that their parents needed to do something about it. Now, I want to create a sticker company where all the stickers say “you’re doing a great job” and my role will be to walk around and stick them on mothers at Target that have tiny humans. Because my goodness, parenting is not for the weak.
I could go on and on but honestly, Zoey turned 6 months old so I feel like I should stop at 6. And also she just woke up from her nap so….cool.
Keep on keeping on, Jamie!!❤️❤️❤️