The moment Taylor Swift stepped on stage, I bawled my eyes out.
I know what you’re thinking “hold on…did I click the wrong article?”
NOPE, it’s me! (Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me – how I start my prayer to God every night).
I was terrified to have fun.
I was worried if I had too much fun it would be taking for granted the fact that I had a healthy baby at home and I wasn’t watching her.
That I spent so much time hoping and praying and working for this child, it would be a slap across karma’s face to spend the evening away from her.
If I would get too comfortable having a baby my guard would be let down for half a second (or rather, 3 hours and 22 minutes) and something would happen to her.
The first year of your baby’s life will rearrange you.
And I mean that in the best way, I promise.
When Zoey was born, I was hit with the reality of raising a non-hypothetical child (because as we all know, hypothetical children are the easiest to raise).
Broken down to pieces and put back together as the mother Zoey needed me to be.
I learned more in the first year of motherhood than I did all through school (including the years I actually paid attention)
In a word: Labor
One morning you start to have cramps & 24 hours later it’s 3am and your husband is driving you to the hospital & you’re calling your parents to remind them to get your dog as if your dog has never been alone longer than 3 hours at a time before.
At 11:10am you start pushing and at 12:10pm your baby is out in the world.
But you still look pregnant, which is fun.
Highly recommend the epidural. Big fan, huge. I had nothing to prove. If someone wanted to hit me over the head with a baseball bat so I wouldn’t feel the pain, I probably would have done that too.
No one checks the carseat unless you ask
They just remove the little jail anklet from your baby & say “haha suckers, gooooood luck byeeeeee!”
And then you just…drive home…with a new person. A very yellow, needy new person.
Babies have 6-7 doctor appointments during their first year
New mothers have one.
And nothing happens there except “do you feel safe in your home?”
No maam, I worry the 6-week old that runs my house now is going to conquer me and take me for all I’m worth.
But yes, I’ll schedule pelvic floor therapy in all my free time, thank you.
You're going to be a terrible friend.
You just had a baby. You’re not going to know who you called/texted, what you posted on whatever social media platform, if you showered or not, when you last ate, if it’s night sweats or you actually peed your pants in the middle of the kitchen (I’ll tell you right now, it’s the latter).
You’re not going to reach out to anyone to come see your baby or hang out.
But you’ll know to the second how long it’s been since your newborn last ate, what their last poop looked/smelled like, and if their jaundice faded over the past 26 seconds.
Then your baby’s pediatrician is going to tell you at her 4-day appointment that you need to get out and get a coffee and for a brief second in the light of the Target baby aisle, you’ll remember that you have friends and wonder how they’re doing.
Before you can reach for your phone, your newborn will need to eat.
Don’t worry. Your friends will be there waiting for you on the other side of the newborn haze. Take the time to enjoy your new little family. This is the most time you’ll get to spend with your spouse and child uninterrupted and right now, they are your priority.
A shower should also be because if you forget and don’t make time, you will get ringworm. And like, that’s gross. Even for a new mom.
Go to Mommy & Me
Check with your hospital. It’s free and you don’t have to breastfeed to go.
My first day:
Nurse: “hey how’s it going, is this your first time here?”
Me: immediately bawls
Husband: leaves to go buy new dining chairs
But go. Every week you can. Even if you’re pumping. Even if you’re formula feeding. Even if you can’t be there for the full session. Just go.
Get yourself a comfy-ass glider chair
And an iPad. Because there’s a chance your baby will need to be held to sleep for the first seven weeks of her life and you want to be as comfy as possible when you watch FRIENDS and hold her all night.
Yes. All night.
And naps. Don’t forget naps. But not for you, silly goose.
It's not always post-partum depression
This one I’m going to keep short or I’m going to get too high on my soap box I won’t be able to climb down.
Hormones and the general experience of postpartum is not talked about enough, not even close.
Checking if your baby is breathing, turning the monitor volume up, making sure the door is locked (once), crying at random – these things don’t immediately mean you have PPD.
The way I talked about my journey with postpartum, it’s possible outsiders assumed I had PPD (sorry, I did not).
I just talked about what every mother goes through postpartum.
Everything I shared was not a shock or surprise to those who have walked through the newborn haze.
Those that have listened to the microwave reminder beep 6 different times but haven’t gone to get their food because they were nursing.
Those that pulled over when driving alone with their baby for the first time, just to make sure they were ok.
The mothers that start crying thinking about leaving their baby at daycare for the first time.
This is postpartum, not always post-partum depression.
As an experienced therapy-goer and graduate of rehab at the age of 18, keeping secrets is not in my pocketbook.
Oversharing, yes.
Hold on to your support system. You’re going to need them.
And if someone asks to hold your baby, ignore them.
But if someone comes in and start washing the dishes and doing your laundry, tell them to call me back because you’re probably staring at my mother.
Very few places are accomodating to nursing mothers
Target, Scheels, Von Maur, Nordstrom – all highly recommend.
If you’re not comfortable nursing in public, I suggest researching places ahead of time or planning to nurse in the car (which I’ve done….it’s fine)
Get mom friends.
Or rather, allow a mom to force friendship upon your introverted self.
Who else are you going to send pictures of your child’s poop to or plan your kids’ marriage with or go from “does my kid have HFM” to “look at this rash on my kids butt” to “who else’s kid is going through a developmental milestone and not sleeping all night” at 4am and then the developmental milestone being this:
You can't half-want a baby
The variations and amount of fluids that come out of this child will astound you.
Rumor has it you’re not a true parent until your kid poops on you while nursing, pees just as you get the new diaper under her, and spits up once she has another clean diaper on and you lift her up.
At that point honey, you’ve made it.
The sleepless nights; the inability to schedule anything to avoid interfering with naps, the teething, developmental milestones, telling your child they can’t put their hands in the dog’s water dish and then watching them do it anyway while holding eye contact with you – it’s much more manageable in a hypothetical scenario (but not nearly as rewarding).
Just do what the mother asks.
“I pur cereal in my baby’s bottle and they didn’t choke.”
“I gave my kid a blanket straight out of the womb and they’re still alive.”
“I fed my baby solids at 2 weeks and they’re a football player now.”
“I sleep trained so you should sleep train.”
“I breastfed until my kid was 27 so you should breastfeed until your kid is 27.”
“I let my kid watch TV in the hospital as they came into the world so idk why you’d wait so long to let yours watch TV.”
Ok Judgy Jellybean Jingle, calm your tits.
Regardless of experience, the expert on raising any child is going to be their own mother/father.
Look for those that are going to honor your wishes and do as you ask around your child.
Being a new parent is stressful enough without individuals telling you to do things a different way or trying to push their own beliefs on you.
Mother the mother. Honor her requests. And humor her, if nothing else.
It's ok if you don't want to leave your baby
I’ve been away from Zoey probably a collective 16 hours in her first year of life (besides daycare, of course).
It’s also ok if the only people you leave them with outside of daycare is your husband or your mother.
It’s ok to ask for your baby back when someone if holding her, or to feed them in private or rock them to sleep.
It’s ok to communicate your expectations to others about your baby.
It’s all ok.
You brought this baby into the world and whatever your mother instinct tells you is right.
And if someone doesn’t honor your wishes or requests, get yourself a Solly Wrap and stick your baby in there so no one can get to her.
Raise a baby with Gregg
Highly recommend.
But also don’t, because I’ll find you.
The first year of a baby’s life is arguably the most difficult on a marriage.
Being a year into it, I can tell you that this is probably only true for individuals that don’t have a sense of humor.
Luckily, we have plenty.
And not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for allowing my partner in this journey to be Gregg.
