Tuesday, October 11, 2022 24w6d
I did not sleep a second last night.
The anxiety I was waiting for that I was just about to praise for not coming, finally arrived.
Coming home from work, I was wondering if Baby Girl had moved enough during the day.
With Raya, I had an anterior placenta (I know, gross, sorry) which was one of the concerns after her diagnosis; that she would pass and I wouldn’t know because I could never feel her, and then I would go septic. This baby girl brought me a posterior, I should feel everything.
Going to bed, I was wondering if I should go to the doctor, or what amount of movement was normal.
Saturday night I thought she was doing gymnastics in my stomach.
Last night it was like she had never stepped on a mat.
At 1130, I was tapping my belly, begging her to move
Then again at midnight, and 12:30, and 2am, then 4am.
To be fair, she did move once in a while.
But the second she stopped moving, my mind took off instead, wondering if it would be the last time.
It was 4:12am when the thought of having to go to the doctor and then tell my husband I caused him to lose another child made me sweaty and dizzy.
That I would have to go through labor and figure out how to survive this a second time.
When I swore to God after the first time I didn’t think I’d be able to.
It was 7:46am, halfway to work, when she moved again.
And again, and again.
I messaged with the nurse all morning, wondering if what was happening was normal.
Finally, she asked me point blank: “what exactly is the concern?”
The only answer I could come up with being “nothing” and “absolutely everything”.
She talked me through the process of being 24/25 weeks pregnant and how it looked, and how things would start to look at 28 weeks, 30 weeks, etc.
All while Baby Girl was moving like she had just had 145 mg of caffeine.
Which, in her defense, she did.
I don’t know what things will look like when I leave work today or go to bed tonight.
I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring or how often I’ll lose sleep over this girl.
But I would vow never to sleep again if I could just be 100% certain at all times that she was ok.
The Doctor assured me that I could come in at any time for a doppler reading.
Lucky for them, I’m always only 10 minutes away, and have no shame walking in and asking for one 5 days a week.
I totally understand how you feel Jamie. After losing our first I was super paranoid with ever little cramp I felt with Sam. Luckily I had great support with fellow coworkers who kept reassuring me everything I was feeling was normal.